Mental Illnesses are no laughing matter
To those Judgementals and Non- Judgementals.
For years, I have remained silent but silence is not always as healthy.
I have distanced myself at times because of it.
I have shed tears in private because of it.
I have experienced trauma and have trust issues because of it.
I am private because of it..
A few know and many could not begin to understand...
AND to those that do…
I too have someone very close to me that has mental instability - I will call bipolar by its name, the others I will not name.
I do not laugh because it is painful!
When I do laugh about it, it’s just to release some emotions piling up
The person experiencing it is an odd place of being stuck in wanting to do what’s right, what they know to be right “The Lord is their Savior” and just not being able to fully express their intentions without lashing out (Mostly at me because I am the closest to them)
I am the remnant of all the lashes
I have become the topic of all their ill-intended discussions
I know the cursing and abusive language all to well
I know what physically drainage is
I know the unconditional love I have had to give
I know the endless conversations of demeaning content
I know the dial-tone very well (as I’m hung up on often)
I know the extended obscene voicemails
I know the text messages
I know the gossip tranants
I know the endless tear-filled nights
I know the personal character attacks
I know the questioning of their religious beliefs
I know the questioning of their upbringing
I know the bad decisions and lack of remorse
I know the bad decisions with remorse
I know on top of all, when you mix drugs (whether prescribed or not) shit gets real...real quick!
The eye opening moments are the worst
I know the 3AM calls that I just had to answer to get told how I’m not living right
I know the back to back calls because I didnt respond right...
The missed calls and then for them to not answer the phone is the worst feeling you could never want to imagine.
The relationships and friendships that i have put on hold
Becoming the translator
Being the middle person for all business transactions
All that to say, I have become an expert unwillingly
I know others that suffer from the same illnesses before they even get a diagnosis
The struggles I have watched them endure.
The endless conversations of encouragement I will continue to have
Begging for them to seek help immediately.
The prayers
I love you
The love will never cease
But a Bitch is trying
I’ll never give up
But a laugh is only a laugh from a person that understands this illness
It’s not a joking matter.
And if you don’t understand, you need to Thank God for that.
For those that do, continue to support them, they need it.
Joya
07.22.2020
#soulfuleyez #mentalillness #bipolar
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